Christmas shopping with kiddies*




All these young mothers chauffering their volcanic three-year-olds through the grocery store.

The child’s name always sound vaguely presidential, and he or she tends to act accordingly.  “Mommy hears what you’re saying about treats,” the woman will say, “but right now she needs you to let go of her hair and put the chocolate-covered Life Savers back where they came from.”

“No,” screams McKinley or Madison, Kennedy or Lincoln or beet-faced baby Reagan. Looking on, I always want to intervene. “Listen,”  I’d like  to say, ” I’m not a parent myself, but I think the best solution at this point is to slap that child right across the face. It won’t stop it crying, but at least now It’ll be doing it for a good reason.”


David Sedaris, Let’s explore diabetes with owls (Abacus 2013) p. 12-3


*also known in Australia as ankle-biters or little tackers.

photo credit:

3 thoughts on “Christmas shopping with kiddies*

  1. Oh, dear, yes, a Christmas nightmare.
    Your post reminded me of an amusing article I once read, called ‘The Middle Way’, advising parents, shopping with a child or children in the trolley, to stick to the very middle of the aisle, because that way the children couldn’t grab what was on the shelves. I wish I’d kept the article – there were pertinent references to Buddhist tranquillity.

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